The
supernatural power wielded by gods and demons to produce illusions. The power
by which the universe becomes manifest; the illusion or appearance of the
phenomenal world.
Several
years ago I began a quest, It started with me as a man in my very early 30's,
pursuing a religious path. The path started simply enough, with a life changing
experience; the loss of a family, the reduction of what I thought in myself, of
myself.The world was on board with that. I noted, in my peculiarly analytical
manner, that the world was always on board with reducing me, reducing my worth,
be it physical or spiritual...to zero, or as near zero as one could get. It
never built me up. Never. Never in all my years upon this world. It would not
sustain me, nor encourage me, nor compliment me, nor inflate me. It was not
about teaching me a lesson. It seemed more to be about eradicating an enemy...and
why would that be?
From my very
infancy, I loved every living thing, minus spiders, snakes, scorpions, mad dogs
and barbarians, but even they, I could give place to. In my mind, all manner of
things have their rightful place in the scheme of creation. It was not my place
to judge, nor my experience to know all things, in order to judge. So, I kept
my place, my peace, and more often than not...my opinion, to myself. Though, it
kept nagging me, that seeming raison d'etre of the creation itself, to deny me
a place, mine or otherwise. Still I persisted.
I was
baptized, but not synthesized into any order of wholeness by it. I remained
with observations and many unanswered questions. I spoke with God under many
excuses, to heal, to know, to be guided. A relationship did develop and still
remains. Largely, I do the talking...in fact, wholly. But I excuse that too,
beneath the banner of 'I don't know how to pray' or, 'I have ego in the way' .
There were always ready reasons, and always ready contributors to my faulty
reasoning's. But of a concrete answer, a communication from beyond,
above...nothing.
Within
however; now there was a completely different complexion. Ton's of
communication; some of it me...nay...all of it me. Most of it, doubting,
reasoning, hoping, failing of hope, and behind it...always...observation. I
have come to believe, in fact, that that omniscient eye of ever present
observation, is the god within me. It is not an easily deceived eye, nor does
it pass away. It concludes when it has gathered proof enough. All that passes
is thought, doubt, hopelessness, disappointment and gas.
I promised
God, in the infancy of my understanding, that wherever the path led, in
pursuing Jesus, I would surely go. I very well tried, but several things
happened. First off, the church I became involved with, had not the slightest
thing to do with realizing Jesus, for they did all things opposite of his
teachings...so when I decided to go on the road, and search after my own
way...it became 'the way'. It was a step toward my eventual 'self realization'.
For, it is the very essence of understanding our own motivations, that push us
along 'the way'.
This being
an arduous and life long quest, we age, and as we do, we tend, or at least I
do, to try to rid ourselves of the superfluous...to drop our baggage, as it
were. With any religion, there is 'added baggage'. It became a point of
survival, on the road of experience toward self realization, to decide who or
what you're going to carry...so I had to decide if I could carry myself and
Jesus. It became obvious, that Jesus was going to have to walk a mile in my
shoes rather than the other way around. I didn't boot him and haven't to this
day, but he must walk beside me now, and he must accept that I have other
spiritual advisers as well.
Somewhere
along 'the way' I met up with Buddha. Now Buddha doesn't talk much either. But
he has these followers, same as Jesus, same as God or Jehovah, and they will
fill you in with dharma, with gospel, and with lectures until you want to chuck
the whole lot and just retch for about a week straight...just to get the
illness of religion out of your system. So, after several of these purges in my
life...to get rid of the disease, yet remain spiritual...I decided to keep
certain things...and I have. You could call them a distillation of teachings
from many religions, and just many sources...in general.
I try to
tell a Christian preacher, or a follower of Jesus or Jehovah, that what I get
from Buddha, in essence, isn't yards of verbiage out of books. For me it is all
distillated in the posture of my little Buddha statue, and simply reeks with
the expression of 'sit still...empty your mind...look inward...be at
peace...smile...be happy...love'. Isn't that enough? It is for me. And that's
what it's all come down to. Jesus said it. Just love. They all said it. It's
just that nobody was genuinely listening. They were all too busy lieing, that
they 'know' Jesus, or they 'know' Buddha, or they know this or that one,
because, just like people who knock their heads against prayer walls...they
want to be seen of other men doing so or knowing so, until the reality of the
real thing isn't there, and never will be there'.
You cannot
base the reality of the existence of a manifestation on a lie, and expect it to
keep it's integrity forever. Because, well...that all just becomes unbelievable
at some point. When it becomes too unbelievable, it loses force, shape. It's
center will not hold and it collapses, as a soap bubble does. Maybe we will be
lucky and have another manifestation to fill with air and bring to life or
maybe there will be no life and the air will be taken from it. Everyone should
look up the word 'pneuma'. It has to do with God and with breath. God breathed
life into this manifestation, but belief and air are in short supply these
days. Has anyone noticed? The bubble is collapsing. Why? Because God is not a
lier, and lies cannot sustain this bubble any longer.
Which takes
me to the next step on my path of 'the way'. Although, I am only partly a
Buddhist, and a mixture of many other experiences, I can attest to a fact,
that, just as the world lies and lies and lies, I become ever and ever more
obdurate to the lie, and ever less believing in this reality. In fact, if it
were solely on my shoulders, to decide whether this manifestation of reality
continues or ceases, it would just collapse for lack of belief. The
preposterous things that are happening in our world, socially, environmentally,
religiously and militarily, beggar belief in anything. Every good thing worth
believing has been crapped on by the big dogs and the little ones, while the
world cheers.
It makes me
wonder about that thing the Buddhists speak of...'Maya', that everything here
is illusion, that people aren't real, nor flags, nor religions, nor borders,
nor any of those things that pit us against one another and seek to divide
us...imagine...nothing to kill or die for...indeed. The children of the country
of Bhutan, when asked if other children bully them or lie or steal from them,
respond "Why would we do that to ourselves, to shame our worth within
ourselves, to make ourselves lower instead of higher? Why would anyone do
that?" My question exactly. So as I
believe less in this world, I come to realize there is another on 'the way',
and I am glad because I grow tired of Maya, and can already see the rips and
tears in the fabric of illusion.
Ironically
enough, it is the world and it's lie, and it's illusion, that has forced me to
cast away my own...and to seek safe harbor in the unknown, and in far away
lands and other worlds, so I am thankful this world gave me little, with
holding all that was precious to it, in knowledge that sooner or later I would
pierce it's veiled disguise, and realize it for the lie it has become, and
perhaps always was. Perhaps it is the very nature of 'the way' to show us the
face of almighty ego at last, that we may rescind our error to find a better
way. I know there are not many walking this narrow path.
I am
thankful to Jehovah, to Jesus, to Buddha and to all those who either walked
along with me or crossed my path in some life affecting way...because it taught
me what I now reveal to you. We must walk our own walk and talk our own talk
and be our own self and none other, in order to realize and fulfill our quest
in this world. We must know to fix our self before we can fix another. In the
end, our own eye of observation will collect and observe and separate chaff
from wheat...for we are god's as Jesus said. We have the power to bless or to
curse our world...and right now everyone seems on the bandwagon to curse it.
It matters
not, for balance is the law of the way. This unbalanced lie will fall and end.
A new balance will begin, and as all things are, that are new...it will be
fresh and clean and will regenerate with it's naivete and loveliness, and
innocence. The old earth will pass away, and a new earth will begin...as it was
long ago. And those who cared will be there, and those who did not will not.
That is my manifestation, and my imagination, and my self realization. John
Lennon knew this to be true and eventually, every living creature will only
need to 'imagine' to make it so...as it was in the beginning.
In passing,
I mentioned a little thing John Lennon said...a very important little
thing..."imagine". So John in his living and his dying had somewhat
to do with my making as well, as have these times and these obstacles we have
all faced. How many of us are real? I don't know. I only know, the ones who
aren't or weren't wont be there. Those that are real? They will be there. Those
saying 'Keep'n it real' with tee shirts and bumper stickers, will probably
prefer to go merchandising somewhere else, maybe on 'buzz word' world or
something...where ever, I just hope they buzz off. I'm tired of phonies and
liers, as this poor world of dust is tired.
